I felt like this pix really represents how I felt last night!
Ok.. wow, last night was epic hard. Emotional detox does seem pretty serious to me now! I actually had what felt like fits of rage and then deep dark depressed feelings.
It was honestly horrid and if I didn’t know it was surely emotional detox I would have been very worried about my mental health. I just felt like screaming and throwing things one minute and then would feel very down the next. I wanted to eat food SO bad! I mean I had to stay totally out of the kitchen and ask my DH to bring me juice and hot tea. I finally just went to bed at 9pm (early for me) just to call it a day.
Anyway this morning I am feeling pretty down again and just sort of hollow. VERY drained and slept in two hours. When I finally got up, right away made some fruit juice.. I used low GI.. 2 apples and a lemon and it’s SO good.. I am going to see if I can do another day.. I had originally planned at least 6 days and today is only 5.
I am pretty sure I can make it a couple more days.
Argument with DH yesterday:
My DH and I got in a fight.. We truly don’t fight that often. While we were fighting he then told me that he thinks I don’t like me life because I am trying to change so much.
It confused me because I have actually been trying to lose weight for several years. He has always supported me. He’s not the most verbally supportive but he does not complain about any meals or changes in meals or having to provide for himself for a few nights if I am not making a meal.
I have actually struggled with my weight ever since we met. I was about 45# over weight when we met and I gained almost 50# the first two years of our marriage.. He has to know how important this really is to me.. part of me thinks he thought I would never do it and he got comfortable with the fat me and now he is uncomfortable with the changes coming in me..
I know he does not like change and I am certainly going thru major changes. Could he really be so cliché as to be jealous that other men might look at me as I lose my weight. He truly does not seem the type. He has never had a jealous or envious bone in his body. He is very self-assured.
We have a very close marriage. Surely he knows I would never jeopardize that. We had a talk last night and although he assures me it’s just the change (he even commented he likes my more "Zen personality" his words) I wonder.
If he has never seen me much more slim than this (another 10# and I will be less weight than when we met) will he feel like I am a different person than he fell in love with? Could he have been attracted to me because of my weight? (he said "I don’t think so" ).. I sure hope he will embrace the new me because I am NOT EVER going back!!
Juice Today:
-2 apples and a lemon juiced-pineapple and spinach juiced (really good)
-2 lemons juiced with 1 t msm and stevia
will update more later…
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